Trust...easy to say, hard to live by. Something simple to profess, but hard to own. Let me explain. We have decided to home school our kids next year. We have prayed and thought and discussed and researched and after months of stretching our brains and searching our hearts, Chad and I have come to the conclusion that this is right for our family. I feel at peace about it. I rest in the assurance that we are doing the right thing. I am filled with certainty that we are in the center of God's will.
The overwhelming part at this point is in the selection process. I feel this responsibility weighing upon my shoulders to choose wisely the curriculum, the overwhelming surplus of curriculum! I'm not using a set curriculum from a publisher because I want to tailor the learning to each child's specific needs and personalities, and get away from the rigorous structure of our former school. But what if I miss something important? What if I skip some critical part of their education? What if I don't do it well enough to prepare them for what lies ahead? Their future lies in my hands. It feels like I'm jumping out of an airplane and hoping that I've studied the right manual well-enough to know how to pull the chute!
But as the stress builds in the pit of my stomach, a quiet voice whispers in my ear..."Do you trust me, or not?" I have committed this matter to prayer. I have heard God's answer. Do I think He will abandon me now? Do I not think He will lead and guide me in my daily choices and selections? Do I not think He will pave the way I'm to take? Do I not think He cares about my kids far more than even I do? Many people believe that God is not interested in the details of our lives. The minutia. He sets things in motion and then walks away, leaving us to our own devices. But I know a different God. My God knows my fears and weaknesses, and He also knows my heart's intentions.
Trust. Do I trust God in this thing? This huge, future-changing, life-altering journey for these most precious people in my life? I don't want to fail them. But my God is bigger than my fears, my worries and inadequacies. There is a broader, deeper and more profound question to answer. Do I trust that God will lead me in the decisions and details of my life, even when the way seems unclear? Do I trust He will show the way and not let me down? Do I trust that He will help me discern His perfect will and not be blinded by my own misguided judgments? DO I TRUST GOD? The way I live out these answers will affect the way I live out my life before God and the legacy I leave behind. These are more than words of faithful profession, I'm talking about action. Living out that trust in day-to-day decisions and the accompanying attitude of peace knowing the Lord is my shepherd and He leads and guides my steps.
I will not be lambasted and whirled around by the influence and comparisons of what others are doing. I will not let self-doubt reside within me (for long). I will not second guess, or walk in fear, or live with worry. I will fix my gaze upon the Lord, quiet my heart before Him to hear his voice, and follow His leading along the perfect path for my life and that of my family. I choose Trust because my God is the Lord God Almighty, Omnipotent, Omnicient and His love for me knows no bounds!
Trust...a daily decision, a moment by moment action.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
All a part of His Plan
God has really been reminding me lately, through circumstances in my life, through a book I'm reading and also my devotional, that He is Lord of every circumstance, every experience, and every detail of my life, however mundane or earthly they may seem. You know those daily life happenings that seem either trivial or utterly worldly and just a byproduct of human beings sinful, selfish nature? I find it is so easy to separate God from day-to-day situations thinking it is simply a result of living in a fallen world and that God has nothing to do with it or perhaps is allowing it, but without a greater meaning. It is so easy to just forget about God's involvement, His presence, when life hurls annoyances and stirs up ugliness. Afterall, that is just the way life is, right? Truly, it takes a whole other level of faith to believe that God is involved in every detail of even those unpleasant, messy circumstances we so often find ourselves in.
HOWEVER...God has been opening my eyes and seizing me with a strong conviction, that He is Lord of ALL things, every word spoken, and every event that occurs. Does he cause hurtful circumstances? No! Does he prompt unkind words or thoughtless actions? NO! But does that mean He is then not Lord over them? No! We do live in a sinful, fallen world, But God is still in charge and I am made aware that He uses those events for our good, if only we will let Him. He manipulates the worldly, less than holy choices of ourselves and others to teach us what we need to learn, or answers prayers we have offered up, if we are open to hearing.
I know of Christians who subscribe to the philosophy of God being generally involved in our lives, while still claiming that bad things happen in life in which God has no part, just a part of living in a sinful world. In my opinion this is equivalent to denying both God's omnipotence and omnipresence as well as His all-encompassing love for His children. Either you believe that God is Lord (master) of all, or He is not. He is either in charge of every detail of our lives, or He isn't. Just as you cannot pick and choose parts of Scripture to be true, so you cannot claim that God is selectively involved in our lives.
So I'm challenged to look at each occurance in my life and ask, "Lord, where are you in this? What is it you want me to learn? How do you want me to respond? What are you trying to tell me though this?" It may not be evident right away, and we may never in this life understand the full reason behind an event, but I do believe that God will use EVERY circumstance to draw us closer to Him and mold us into a greater likeness of His image. My struggle will be, how will I respond....with aggravation, with self-righteous indignation, insisting on my own way, or with humility asking God to guide my thoughts, words and deeds. A daunting task, but one I feel certain God enables us to handle and will result in a more peace-filled, purposeful life.
HOWEVER...God has been opening my eyes and seizing me with a strong conviction, that He is Lord of ALL things, every word spoken, and every event that occurs. Does he cause hurtful circumstances? No! Does he prompt unkind words or thoughtless actions? NO! But does that mean He is then not Lord over them? No! We do live in a sinful, fallen world, But God is still in charge and I am made aware that He uses those events for our good, if only we will let Him. He manipulates the worldly, less than holy choices of ourselves and others to teach us what we need to learn, or answers prayers we have offered up, if we are open to hearing.
I know of Christians who subscribe to the philosophy of God being generally involved in our lives, while still claiming that bad things happen in life in which God has no part, just a part of living in a sinful world. In my opinion this is equivalent to denying both God's omnipotence and omnipresence as well as His all-encompassing love for His children. Either you believe that God is Lord (master) of all, or He is not. He is either in charge of every detail of our lives, or He isn't. Just as you cannot pick and choose parts of Scripture to be true, so you cannot claim that God is selectively involved in our lives.
So I'm challenged to look at each occurance in my life and ask, "Lord, where are you in this? What is it you want me to learn? How do you want me to respond? What are you trying to tell me though this?" It may not be evident right away, and we may never in this life understand the full reason behind an event, but I do believe that God will use EVERY circumstance to draw us closer to Him and mold us into a greater likeness of His image. My struggle will be, how will I respond....with aggravation, with self-righteous indignation, insisting on my own way, or with humility asking God to guide my thoughts, words and deeds. A daunting task, but one I feel certain God enables us to handle and will result in a more peace-filled, purposeful life.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Letting Go of Perfection
I'm learning that my life will never be perfect. I, of course, have always known this in my mind, but I don't live that way. I get caught up in all the little imperfections of my day and the ways I've missed the mark. My life becomes an endless to do list of trying to get it right, trying to get it all done so it is neat and tidy. And at night I lament the ways I've messed up or question if I've done enough or gotten it right. I worry myself into paralysis. And why? I will never get it right, not this side of heaven at least.
Slowly but surely, one moment at a time, I'm accepting this and coming to grips with the fact that life is imperfect and messy and I'm okay with that. My body will never be perfect (or my expectation of what it should/could be), our finances will never be perfect (or what my neighbors have and can do), my kids will never be perfect (shockingly, they are human and have idiosynchrasies, quirks and issues of their own, though I don't think they know it yet) and my house will never look or be perfect (why is it that as soon as I pick things up at one end of the house, the other end has grown clutter of it's own?? And why do we dust when it will just show up again the next day?) I can't change life's abounding imperfections. They are a fact of life, right along with the cliched taxes and dying.
So...I can either stress about it everyday, all the inconsequential trivia of it, or I can accept it as the way things are and live my life anyway...around it, through it, and despite it. Why let something I cannot change, ruin the one life I have to live? Why let my exaggerated expectations mar the moments of my life?
Am I doing enough in teaching my kids (striving to be the perfect teacher in a perfect learning environment)? Heck, I don't know, but I'm trying! Rather than getting uptight and burdening them with it, why not take a walk on a beautiful day with them? Play a game? Listen to their stories? Laugh with them while we watch a silly show (they are watching my response and they love it when I smile and laugh) or read them a good book? They may not be rocket scientists when they grow up, but they will grow up knowing they are loved and valued. They will grow up knowing they are accepted faults and all...because NO ONE is perfect and we just do the best we can, right?
Instead of trying to be perfect in my eating, reaching the perfect number on the scale (throw it out the window is my advice) why not enjoy that cookie that tastes so good, take a nice, vigorous walk around the block, eat a beautiful red apple, and be exuberant, rejoicing in what my body can do for me & how well it serves me.
Instead of burdening my husband with a long, never-ending list of things to do so "everything gets done", why not hug him, set him free and give him the chance to relax and unwind? He'll be a happier, more whole person if I do, and the dividends will be limitless.
Bemoaning the lack of travel to exotic spots? Creativity opens up many doors to exploration and discovery. What about the good old-fashioned road trip? Family bonding and natural learning at its best! Pack a few books, bring a sketch pad and some jokes and hit the road! We'll remember it always.
Envying the friend's spotless house, or her housekeeper and gardner and new leather sofa? Well, why not open my eyes and really look around me. Life ain't that bad! A little messy, perhaps, and worn through in places, but pretty darn good nonetheless. We are truly lacking for nothing.
Finances tight? Budgeting not as successful as I expect it to be? Lay it at His feet and surrender it. Let Him do His work in me. Besides, God has always provided. Maybe it is an ongoing lesson of trusting and relying upon Him.
Instead of criticizing my kids in my weak attempts to make them what they should be, why not love them. Love conquers all I've read. Speak kindly and compassionately, for I crave God's grace for me, why not extend it to them as well. Struggling with their issues? Pray. Pray for wisdom, patience, mercy.
In the end, relationships are not perfect, but you keep working at them and love through the imperfections. My body is not pefect, but I do my best to take care of it and appreciate it for what it can do. I'm not the perfect mom, but I love my kids more than words can say. My house is not immaculate, but it is cozy and lived in. I make mistakes and stumble along the way, but God uses those road bumps to teach me. Life hurls things my way that constantly throw me for a loop, trip me up and turn my life inside out. I strive to right-side it up again and make it as it should be. Am I always right? Rarely. But I do what I can, the best I can, and God's grace covers the rest.
I'm giving up my endless striving for perfection. I'm shaking it off and leaving it behind. I'm freeing myself from this self-imposed prison of worry, doubt and self-recrimination and accepting that life is the way is it. I will never be good enough, but Jesus is. He accepts me the way I am. He sees my imperfections and loves me anyway. I am covered by the blood of the lamb and made spotless in His holiness. That is worth holding onto for dear life. All the rest, I can let go of.
Slowly but surely, one moment at a time, I'm accepting this and coming to grips with the fact that life is imperfect and messy and I'm okay with that. My body will never be perfect (or my expectation of what it should/could be), our finances will never be perfect (or what my neighbors have and can do), my kids will never be perfect (shockingly, they are human and have idiosynchrasies, quirks and issues of their own, though I don't think they know it yet) and my house will never look or be perfect (why is it that as soon as I pick things up at one end of the house, the other end has grown clutter of it's own?? And why do we dust when it will just show up again the next day?) I can't change life's abounding imperfections. They are a fact of life, right along with the cliched taxes and dying.
So...I can either stress about it everyday, all the inconsequential trivia of it, or I can accept it as the way things are and live my life anyway...around it, through it, and despite it. Why let something I cannot change, ruin the one life I have to live? Why let my exaggerated expectations mar the moments of my life?
Am I doing enough in teaching my kids (striving to be the perfect teacher in a perfect learning environment)? Heck, I don't know, but I'm trying! Rather than getting uptight and burdening them with it, why not take a walk on a beautiful day with them? Play a game? Listen to their stories? Laugh with them while we watch a silly show (they are watching my response and they love it when I smile and laugh) or read them a good book? They may not be rocket scientists when they grow up, but they will grow up knowing they are loved and valued. They will grow up knowing they are accepted faults and all...because NO ONE is perfect and we just do the best we can, right?
Instead of trying to be perfect in my eating, reaching the perfect number on the scale (throw it out the window is my advice) why not enjoy that cookie that tastes so good, take a nice, vigorous walk around the block, eat a beautiful red apple, and be exuberant, rejoicing in what my body can do for me & how well it serves me.
Instead of burdening my husband with a long, never-ending list of things to do so "everything gets done", why not hug him, set him free and give him the chance to relax and unwind? He'll be a happier, more whole person if I do, and the dividends will be limitless.
Bemoaning the lack of travel to exotic spots? Creativity opens up many doors to exploration and discovery. What about the good old-fashioned road trip? Family bonding and natural learning at its best! Pack a few books, bring a sketch pad and some jokes and hit the road! We'll remember it always.
Envying the friend's spotless house, or her housekeeper and gardner and new leather sofa? Well, why not open my eyes and really look around me. Life ain't that bad! A little messy, perhaps, and worn through in places, but pretty darn good nonetheless. We are truly lacking for nothing.
Finances tight? Budgeting not as successful as I expect it to be? Lay it at His feet and surrender it. Let Him do His work in me. Besides, God has always provided. Maybe it is an ongoing lesson of trusting and relying upon Him.
Instead of criticizing my kids in my weak attempts to make them what they should be, why not love them. Love conquers all I've read. Speak kindly and compassionately, for I crave God's grace for me, why not extend it to them as well. Struggling with their issues? Pray. Pray for wisdom, patience, mercy.
In the end, relationships are not perfect, but you keep working at them and love through the imperfections. My body is not pefect, but I do my best to take care of it and appreciate it for what it can do. I'm not the perfect mom, but I love my kids more than words can say. My house is not immaculate, but it is cozy and lived in. I make mistakes and stumble along the way, but God uses those road bumps to teach me. Life hurls things my way that constantly throw me for a loop, trip me up and turn my life inside out. I strive to right-side it up again and make it as it should be. Am I always right? Rarely. But I do what I can, the best I can, and God's grace covers the rest.
I'm giving up my endless striving for perfection. I'm shaking it off and leaving it behind. I'm freeing myself from this self-imposed prison of worry, doubt and self-recrimination and accepting that life is the way is it. I will never be good enough, but Jesus is. He accepts me the way I am. He sees my imperfections and loves me anyway. I am covered by the blood of the lamb and made spotless in His holiness. That is worth holding onto for dear life. All the rest, I can let go of.
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