Trust...easy to say, hard to live by. Something simple to profess, but hard to own. Let me explain. We have decided to home school our kids next year. We have prayed and thought and discussed and researched and after months of stretching our brains and searching our hearts, Chad and I have come to the conclusion that this is right for our family. I feel at peace about it. I rest in the assurance that we are doing the right thing. I am filled with certainty that we are in the center of God's will.
The overwhelming part at this point is in the selection process. I feel this responsibility weighing upon my shoulders to choose wisely the curriculum, the overwhelming surplus of curriculum! I'm not using a set curriculum from a publisher because I want to tailor the learning to each child's specific needs and personalities, and get away from the rigorous structure of our former school. But what if I miss something important? What if I skip some critical part of their education? What if I don't do it well enough to prepare them for what lies ahead? Their future lies in my hands. It feels like I'm jumping out of an airplane and hoping that I've studied the right manual well-enough to know how to pull the chute!
But as the stress builds in the pit of my stomach, a quiet voice whispers in my ear..."Do you trust me, or not?" I have committed this matter to prayer. I have heard God's answer. Do I think He will abandon me now? Do I not think He will lead and guide me in my daily choices and selections? Do I not think He will pave the way I'm to take? Do I not think He cares about my kids far more than even I do? Many people believe that God is not interested in the details of our lives. The minutia. He sets things in motion and then walks away, leaving us to our own devices. But I know a different God. My God knows my fears and weaknesses, and He also knows my heart's intentions.
Trust. Do I trust God in this thing? This huge, future-changing, life-altering journey for these most precious people in my life? I don't want to fail them. But my God is bigger than my fears, my worries and inadequacies. There is a broader, deeper and more profound question to answer. Do I trust that God will lead me in the decisions and details of my life, even when the way seems unclear? Do I trust He will show the way and not let me down? Do I trust that He will help me discern His perfect will and not be blinded by my own misguided judgments? DO I TRUST GOD? The way I live out these answers will affect the way I live out my life before God and the legacy I leave behind. These are more than words of faithful profession, I'm talking about action. Living out that trust in day-to-day decisions and the accompanying attitude of peace knowing the Lord is my shepherd and He leads and guides my steps.
I will not be lambasted and whirled around by the influence and comparisons of what others are doing. I will not let self-doubt reside within me (for long). I will not second guess, or walk in fear, or live with worry. I will fix my gaze upon the Lord, quiet my heart before Him to hear his voice, and follow His leading along the perfect path for my life and that of my family. I choose Trust because my God is the Lord God Almighty, Omnipotent, Omnicient and His love for me knows no bounds!
Trust...a daily decision, a moment by moment action.
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